Spring is in the air

You know how in your life you are going along just fine and then BOOM all of the sudden you are smacked in the face with an old yearning for something that you can’t have?  That’s what is happening to me this spring.  You see, it seems like a majority of my friends and family members are having babies!  Everyday on Facebook and personal blogs I see pictures and updates on sleepless nights and families adjusting to a new family member.  I am super happy for them all and I will snuggle anyone’s baby in a heartbeat, but it is a little bitter sweet for me…a reminder of what I can’t have.

I can’t say that if I was ABLE to have another baby that I would, but it would be my CHOICE not to and that’s the difference for me I guess.  The inability to choose one way or the other.  Truthfully most days I’m perfectly happy with my little family and I’m ALWAYS grateful for them.  I am usually just fine with my situation since I’ve accepted it long ago, but lately there have been lots of reminders.  In addition to all of the new babies in our network of friends Liam is constantly asking me when I will have a baby in my tummy because he wants a baby (sister or brother depending on the day).  I try to explain to him that it isn’t possible, but it’s too hard for his 4 year old brain to grasp.  Heck, it’s too much for my brain to grasp some days.  I guess today is one of those days.

If you read this and have a baby, please don’t leave me out of your happy news updates to spare my feelings.  I sincerely LOVE seeing your pictures and hearing all about your lovely little angels and I would miss them terribly if you didn’t share them.  If you live near enough to me PLEASE invite me over to snuggle your little one so I can get my baby fix and you can get a nap, or something else done.  It really does help heal my heart just a little bit to have those small moments to cuddle a baby and remember my own little babies and dream about the eternities when my body will be whole and functioning again.  If you are in my same position, know that you aren’t alone.  I would never in a million years wish it on anyone, but somehow it helps knowing that there are others out there that understand how I feel when these sudden yearnings come.  Now, I’m going to go hunt down a baby to snuggle!