Unexpected

There are a lot of things in life that are unexpected, and usually I’m pretty good at dealing with the unexpected in life, but I’m not doing such a good job this time.  A month ago today I lost my Mom unexpectedly.  It is so strange to write that because it still doesn’t seem real.  Ever since then time has been in this strange and unusual state of flux for me.  Minutes seem like hours, but then days fly by and while everything is whizzing by me I feel like I’m stuck at a standstill trying to figure out what to do and how to adjust to this new reality.  Don’t get me wrong and think that I am sitting around doing nothing, because that just isn’t possible when you have kids, but I am pretty much just going through the motions.  I don’t know how to get unstuck.  Every time I think I’m getting used to the idea that she is gone I see something or hear something that reminds me of her and it boggles my mind that I won’t be able to see, do, hear that thing with her ever again in this life.  Then its back to square one missing her and wishing she was with me or I could call her and hear her voice.  This is harder than I could have ever imagined it would be.  I love you, Mom!